I remember that first time when my then teacher, Avikal Costantino, gave me/us in a training the transmission of just
‘tell this agency to fucking fuck off!’
Together with the loud voice, projected at this incessant voice and a very clear hand movement pushing the energy away…
SPACE, ahh there was space and breath and a surprised laugh!
Initially the SE has come about to keep us safe. It’s the internalized voice of our care givers, parents, teachers, older siblings, aunties, uncles, the humans that were around us when we weren’t yet able to look after ourselves.
Identifying that SE in its different forms from inner critic to manager, controller, pusher to high achiever, perfectionist is a very important thing to do if one likes to grow and develop the Self, the Soul; if one would like to get to know oneself on a deeper level and change old ways of being and acting in the world.
I’ve given the above transmission from Avikal to many clients since; this first line of defense; clear and simple.
Here through activating passion, and power the tyranny and relentlessness of the SE is told off, it cuts through confusion, feeling small, irrelevant, not good enough … all the criticism in its different forms it likes to throw at us in the moments particularly when some courageous steps to empower oneself are being taken.
From here once a little more space has been gained, a little more breath, some more clarity there is a lot of different ways we can engage with the SE:
Firstly the inner child - the vulnerable part of self that’s been suppressed by the SE needs to be heard and taken care of in a new way through deep compassion and self parenting.
Once that young part feels safe and lovingly held then there are new ways of engaging with the voice of the SE:
maybe it’s curiosity : hey, what do you have to say today? Are you still giving me the same advice as if I was 5 years old ?
Or compassion : sorry to hear that you’re so concerned about me but you know I have actually grown since your emergence…
Sometimes just a joke … come on - not that again, really!
Or oh you little sneaky bastard - you tried to get me again in a new form…
This is very important to catch!
The SE loves to shapeshift into other more subtle forms, trying to create contraction from a more hidden, new place.
It tends to take on the consciousness of the contemporary things you’re interested in.
For example for me when I was engaging in deep women’s development/rite of passage work throughout my 30ties, I all of a sudden realized that the SE was now commenting about how I should experience pleasure in my body, how I should sound, how free I should be, how my peaks should be… or how I should not peak..
And again and again : no , not like that! I’ve got you, eff off!
Identifying the actual bodily sensations, where in the body is what happening when the voice comes in: Possibly feeling how the breath gets more shallow, the shoulders might drawn in, maybe up; the diaphragm is contracting, the mind is racing, the body might be even out of bounds, numb.
A powerful way to engage with it is also to fully enter this part of the ego structure and have a conversation with it, to really get to know it inside and out.
It’s often very surprising all the different things it, the super ego has to say.
Once this agency is well engaged with and a conscious relationship has been formed; once it’s been shown that there is enough capacity and back bone in one’s system to look after self; trust starts to come through and it can slowly transform into a benevolent guide, a supportive aspect in one’s life.
Hallelujah- we’re growing up into more adult and hopefully mature and wise humans!
In my 1:1 packages and sessions addressing the influence of this agency is paramount, it often is one of the first aspects that needs addressing.
This will support people in their adventure of liberation from the old ways and then go further into learning to listen and implement new ways, more desirable and authentic, more easeful and enjoyable, empowered ways of living.
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